The Essential Guide to Conversation Skills

Puntos clave

• Six ideas carry most conversations: attention, curiosity, openness, clarity, warmth and respect, and each one works best alongside its partner.
• Make attention your first priority, because you cannot be curious, warm or clear about something you only half heard.
• Balance asking with sharing, so that over a few minutes both people have asked something and both have shared something.
• When a message is unwelcome, be clear about the issue and warm towards the person, instead of choosing bluntness or vagueness.
• Speak up when a decision or relationship depends on it, let small things pass, and step back when someone signals they want to stop.

Dentro de este bit

1. Six ideas that hold every conversation together

   Conversation skills can look like a hundred separate tips. Underneath, six ideas do almost all the work.

2. Attention: the idea everything else rests on

   If you could improve only one of the six ideas, choose attention, because every other idea depends on it. You cannot be curious about something you did not hear, or warm towards someone you are only half facing.

3. Curiosity and openness: the balance of give and take

   Curiosity and openness are two directions of the same flow. Curiosity draws information towards you through questions.

4. Clarity and warmth: honest words, kindly said

   Clarity is about the words: plain language, one idea at a time, a concrete example, and saying what you actually mean instead of hinting. Warmth is about the feeling that travels with them: a friendly tone, the person's name, some sign that you are on their side.

5. Respect: disagreeing, declining and knowing when to stop

   Respect is the idea that sets limits on the other five. It covers three things: people's views, their boundaries and their time.

6. What to prioritise and what to ignore

   With six ideas on the map, it helps to know where to start. Put attention first, because it makes everything else possible.