How to Win Friends and Influence People

Points clés

• Criticism breeds defensiveness; appreciation breeds change
• Become genuinely interested in others — it beats being interesting
• A person's name is the sweetest sound they know
• Let others save face and own the ideas you plant

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1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain

   Carnegie opens with a hard truth: criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and wounds their pride. Even criminals justify themselves; ordinary colleagues certainly will.

2. Six ways to make people like you

   Become genuinely interested in other people; smile; remember names — to a person, their name is the sweetest sound in any language; be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves; talk in terms of the other person's interests; and make them feel important, sincerely. Carnegie's insight is that connection is not a performance of your own brilliance.

3. Winning people to your way of thinking

   The only way to win an argument is to avoid it — even a won argument leaves the loser resentful. Show respect for opinions, never say 'you're wrong.

4. Leading without offending

   When you must correct someone, begin with honest praise, call attention to mistakes indirectly, and talk about your own errors first. Ask questions instead of giving orders.