Problem Solving Made Simple

Key takeaways

• Most everyday problems give way to three plain questions: what exactly is going wrong, why might it be happening, and what small thing can we try?
• Before buying, scolding or fixing, check whether you are mopping the floor or fixing the tap, because only fixing the tap stops the puddle returning.
• Problem solving is a learnable skill, not a talent, so praise the trying and the adjusting in your children rather than the first right answer.
• When your child brings you a problem, ask what they have tried before offering help, and give the smallest hint that gets them moving again.
• Before fixing anything for an upset child or partner, ask whether they want ideas or want you to listen, and respect the answer.

Inside this bit

1. Why problems feel bigger than they are

   When you are tired and busy, problems rarely arrive one at a time. The broken zip, the late homework, the argument about the television and the leaking gutter blur into one feeling: everything is chaos.

2. Five myths that make problems harder

   Myth one: good problem solvers get it right first time. They try something, check it and adjust, so a first attempt is a draft, not a verdict.

3. Mopping the floor or fixing the tap

   Picture a leaking tap. Mopping the floor deals with today's puddle; fixing the tap stops tomorrow's.

4. What, why, try: the three questions

   If you remember one thing from this book, make it three questions. What exactly is going wrong?

5. Hand the problem back, gently

   When a child brings you a problem, the quickest help is to solve it. It is also the help that teaches least.

6. Fix it or listen: ask first

   Not every problem wants solving straight away. When a child or a partner arrives upset, a parent's instinct is to fix: here is what you should do.